5th August 2011 2:00am
Lord, you see my heart and my life, you see my fears and failures, my need of you in this dry season. I thank you that even though I stumble a lot and choose to hear the wrong voices in my life, thank you that you are patient with me. Even as i walk through this desert season, even as i stumble i will choose to get back up. I choose to trust in you even when nothing else makes sense. Even as the enemy takes positions and arms against me. I know your hand will protect me. You wont test me beyond what i can bear. Even though i cant see where im walking lord Jesus i trust you to reveal my path. Lead me to where you have called. I can try and do this life in my own strength but i know anything i do will fail, if i don't have your presence with me i wont go. I know that even when im walking through the valleys of the shadows of death, that proclaim my downfall, i will grit my teeth and keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are my hope, You are my strength, You are my passion, You are the love of my life. Refine me through this season, build me up to be the man of god you've called to come forth. Even as you've called me to support the brothers and sisters around me, even when i am empty i know you will be my source of strength, i know you fill me up. I know that even as i bear the armour of those around me, i know you lord, will bear my armour as well. Thank you Lord god, for meeting me in this place, All my hope is in you, All my trust is in you, My all or nothing for you. Your holy, precious, unblemished name Lord Jesus Christ, i pray. Amen
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Saturday, December 11, 2010
My list of things id rather do than nothing
1. Design my riot shield (low budget)
2. Finish my Yr 10 submarine project (medium budget)
3. Find ways to upgrade alpha trooper (low budget)
4. Design and construct MK3 Ghillie suit. (high budget)
5. Learn more songs on electric guitar.
6. read more self-help koorong books
7. formulate evacuation plan from house in case of fire emergency, terrorist attack or nuclear threat.
8. Try and catch baby Koi
2. Finish my Yr 10 submarine project (medium budget)
3. Find ways to upgrade alpha trooper (low budget)
4. Design and construct MK3 Ghillie suit. (high budget)
5. Learn more songs on electric guitar.
6. read more self-help koorong books
7. formulate evacuation plan from house in case of fire emergency, terrorist attack or nuclear threat.
8. Try and catch baby Koi
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Patience
I feel as if this is a season of patience. A very long and tiring season of patience. After recently having to break away or disconnect from a relationship that didnt work out (or rather didnt even start :P) I guess I've been feeling kind of lonely. It almost seems so convenient that so many people are suddenly no longer single or have someone to pursue. I'm very happy for them, the problem isn't jealousy or envy. It's about having the discipline and patience to wait it out rather than rush into it. At numerous times i find I get tempted to go for the 'ohh.. what the heck, just stuff it' option and give in and settle for just about anyone. The other side of me begs to differ. Theres something else I have to do, I'm not ready just yet for a relationship lest i break a girl's heart in the process. God, are you calling me just to strengthen my resolve? to man up, get some guts and slug it out? I know I've felt my faith slipping a little lately as the mountains of impossible odds of studies just loom up ahead. But i pray revive my resolve, my trust in you and an undying faith. Give me the strength to persevere and to grit my teeth at the enemy's schemes. As you walk alongside me during my day, let people give you glory for the things you do through me big and small. I know I'm not alone, physically and spiritually. Its all for you lord. Even if i should be alone for the rest of my life, I know I'm never alone in you. I love you lord. In Jesus name', Amen.
"Why are you so downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in god,
For I will yet praise him,
my saviour and my God" - Psalms 42:5-6
"Why are you so downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in god,
For I will yet praise him,
my saviour and my God" - Psalms 42:5-6
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
A rite of passage of a good man.
Today i have to say i was privelaged to be able to witness the testimonies of a great man of god. I love hearing testimonies of selfless men and women of god who carry out god's will in the hardship of their own lives, yet do it with humility, kindness, always encouraging those around them instead of tearing down in their circumstances. When i heard stories of such courage, i have to say i got perspective in my own circumstances.
To be honest I've been looking at my 'loss' in a negative light. Always focusing on what ive lost rather than what god's put in my hand already that im too stubborn to see and use. What i witnessed today was a warrior of christ who was absolutely souled out for christ, A fellow brethren who displayed a valiant armourbearing spirit. Im convinced that the testimonies and speeches spoken today was not by coincidence, but these testimonies sparked a passion in my own heart to live with conviction, ---some thoughts were running through my mind today--- that our days are numbered... What are we doing with the precious time given to us? cause if we're just living half-heartedly in what we do, then its a waste of time in my eyes. Anything worth having is going to be hard. Something worth throwing yourself fully into it, full body weight all or nothing lunge, rather than a half-strength wimpy jab. i guess thats what ive been asking myself these days, are you so scared as to be afraid to even step out of your comfort zone to be certain that your bro is alright or to share the gospel with someone at first sight of opportunity? cause i know for certain god didnt call me to live in my insecurities, in the condemnation of my sins, in my failures but rather to cast off these restraints and run the race marked out for me.
This is my prayer tonight:
That i may step out of my comfort zone, out of mundanity and conformity and into a place where there will be no hesitation to answer when your holy spirit calls. Lord ive been restrained in this for too long, i just pray you help me get to that place of total surrender again lord. Help me be rid of my own agendas once more so i can be used for your glory, lord. You see your faithful servant Nat, what a man of god he is by your hands. I pray that one day you'll bless him with an amazing woman of god in your timing by his faithfulness to you, and that one day I pray that i too can inspire people with the life i live out for you lord. I just want to forget all the hurt, the pains, to forgive and forget. and to just pursue you with all of me, to try and love you at a whole nother level and live out your will for all of my days. I love you so much Lord Jesus. I dont just want to say that with empty words but help me to live that out fully, in Jesus' name i pray. Amen
To be honest I've been looking at my 'loss' in a negative light. Always focusing on what ive lost rather than what god's put in my hand already that im too stubborn to see and use. What i witnessed today was a warrior of christ who was absolutely souled out for christ, A fellow brethren who displayed a valiant armourbearing spirit. Im convinced that the testimonies and speeches spoken today was not by coincidence, but these testimonies sparked a passion in my own heart to live with conviction, ---some thoughts were running through my mind today--- that our days are numbered... What are we doing with the precious time given to us? cause if we're just living half-heartedly in what we do, then its a waste of time in my eyes. Anything worth having is going to be hard. Something worth throwing yourself fully into it, full body weight all or nothing lunge, rather than a half-strength wimpy jab. i guess thats what ive been asking myself these days, are you so scared as to be afraid to even step out of your comfort zone to be certain that your bro is alright or to share the gospel with someone at first sight of opportunity? cause i know for certain god didnt call me to live in my insecurities, in the condemnation of my sins, in my failures but rather to cast off these restraints and run the race marked out for me.
This is my prayer tonight:
That i may step out of my comfort zone, out of mundanity and conformity and into a place where there will be no hesitation to answer when your holy spirit calls. Lord ive been restrained in this for too long, i just pray you help me get to that place of total surrender again lord. Help me be rid of my own agendas once more so i can be used for your glory, lord. You see your faithful servant Nat, what a man of god he is by your hands. I pray that one day you'll bless him with an amazing woman of god in your timing by his faithfulness to you, and that one day I pray that i too can inspire people with the life i live out for you lord. I just want to forget all the hurt, the pains, to forgive and forget. and to just pursue you with all of me, to try and love you at a whole nother level and live out your will for all of my days. I love you so much Lord Jesus. I dont just want to say that with empty words but help me to live that out fully, in Jesus' name i pray. Amen
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Goodbye past, hello present
Today marked the end of my self-will, the day i can finally say goodbye for good... The grand finale. But also the start of a new chapter in my life..
A few days ago, my brother and i were getting real with each other in the car and funnily enough a quote by Robert Frost came up in our convo.
[Two roads diverged...]
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
Over the last few months one issue in my life has swamped me more than ever... That is that of a broken relationship or rather a relationship that never really began if you would. Perhaps it was just me in becoming obsessed with trying to make the relationship work thats led to my downfall but regardless, one thing is for sure (something that was spoken last night).. "Peace begins on your part".
That is peace in your circumstances, peace from hardships, peace in friendships or relationships. I guess my problem lied in that i didnt make the decision to make a decision to accept the reality and move on. That just cause a friendship you were pursuing for didnt work out, doesn't mean its the end of the world.
Thats why tonight was so special to me.
Tonight marked the night which i would ever see Gea, in all her beauty and splendor that god made her into, for his glory. And all i can say is that im glad, i wouldnt have had it any other way.. no melodramatic "No! i love you, dont leave me" sorta scene, just a simple silent recognition, "Thank you for what little impact you had on my life. I'm finally at peace."
I guess this in a way is the fork in my road, This is where i make the decision to walk down the road less traveled without looking back, without regret weighing down on my heart. Tonight i said the sinner's prayer in my heart, just as an act of rededication from chasing the wrong things rather than god's will in such a time as this. I just pray that this is where i can get back on track with where god wants me.
This the end of another sad but necessary chapter in my life...
...but its also the start a new beautiful fruitful chapter
Today was also the day i confirmed my wildlife leadership (though hesitant at first), I paid for wildlife summercamp and am currently sitting on a little over $300 in my bank account, which half is still needed to pay for mobile costs and the other half, for the wildlife tent and ph accomodation. This really doesnt look good on my part. But i believe god'll provide in my greatest times of need.
I realised from this point onwards, I cant turn back to my old lifestyle. That from here on in, the next generation will look to us as leaders for guidance, for wise decisions, for answers.. and to be honest im not ready for it. I'm only willing. I just pray that i can set myself up to be in the place where god can most use me without me struggling, and i guess that place is where im abandoned of my will, and open to do what he calls. Let this day the 20/12/2009 be the day where i begin this new chapter of my life.
A few days ago, my brother and i were getting real with each other in the car and funnily enough a quote by Robert Frost came up in our convo.
[Two roads diverged...]
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
Over the last few months one issue in my life has swamped me more than ever... That is that of a broken relationship or rather a relationship that never really began if you would. Perhaps it was just me in becoming obsessed with trying to make the relationship work thats led to my downfall but regardless, one thing is for sure (something that was spoken last night).. "Peace begins on your part".
That is peace in your circumstances, peace from hardships, peace in friendships or relationships. I guess my problem lied in that i didnt make the decision to make a decision to accept the reality and move on. That just cause a friendship you were pursuing for didnt work out, doesn't mean its the end of the world.
Thats why tonight was so special to me.
Tonight marked the night which i would ever see Gea, in all her beauty and splendor that god made her into, for his glory. And all i can say is that im glad, i wouldnt have had it any other way.. no melodramatic "No! i love you, dont leave me" sorta scene, just a simple silent recognition, "Thank you for what little impact you had on my life. I'm finally at peace."
I guess this in a way is the fork in my road, This is where i make the decision to walk down the road less traveled without looking back, without regret weighing down on my heart. Tonight i said the sinner's prayer in my heart, just as an act of rededication from chasing the wrong things rather than god's will in such a time as this. I just pray that this is where i can get back on track with where god wants me.
This the end of another sad but necessary chapter in my life...
...but its also the start a new beautiful fruitful chapter
Today was also the day i confirmed my wildlife leadership (though hesitant at first), I paid for wildlife summercamp and am currently sitting on a little over $300 in my bank account, which half is still needed to pay for mobile costs and the other half, for the wildlife tent and ph accomodation. This really doesnt look good on my part. But i believe god'll provide in my greatest times of need.
I realised from this point onwards, I cant turn back to my old lifestyle. That from here on in, the next generation will look to us as leaders for guidance, for wise decisions, for answers.. and to be honest im not ready for it. I'm only willing. I just pray that i can set myself up to be in the place where god can most use me without me struggling, and i guess that place is where im abandoned of my will, and open to do what he calls. Let this day the 20/12/2009 be the day where i begin this new chapter of my life.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
When someone asks, "Jeff How did you come to be such a leader on fire for god?" On that day all i can say is, In his strength alone when god took me the long way rather than the shortcut way option. (A testimony i wanna live out to tell one day)
--------
There was a time once when i met a great woman of god, I liked her a lot and i thought it could happen between us, that i could pursue her as my future wife. I felt that everything she was was perfect, i really loved all that she was. I remember so many times in those 1.5 years, i asked god, "why cant i lord? shes different from any other girl ive had a crush on. Both of us are saved, we like the same things etc." But God's answer was still always "no, I've got someone better in stall for you, Jeff. This is not your season"
Nonetheless the time came when i had to say goodbye when she left us to go home and i guess when she left, it really crushed me to see her go, and it really took all of who i was to deny myself of my selfish desires and pursue god's desires over my life.
But god is not someone who takes away and leaves us in the dirt, He might have taken her away (to a higher calling) but he also brought me to the next chapter in my life, one ive been searching and seeking for for so very long.. God brought forth new opportunities to serve him in leadership and sow into amazing young men of god, in work and university but most importantly, in salvation of my friends and family.
For that, no soul mate that god offered me could ever be of same value of what he gave me instead, the joy of the lord in my heart, the joy of the lord in even being able to serve his kingdom in things that would otherwise be unfathomable if done in my own strength. That is how i am the man i am today ;)
(I believe that whats more important than your future wife is your own godly identity and ordained purpose, what we're called to do for god's kingdom, In every guy is an insatiable hunger to be selflessly used by god for greatness, to feel significant in their own and god's eyes. I dare say, every being has a god shaped void in their hearts where they have tried and failed to satisfy that hole with carnal urges, drugs and suppressants, fame and fortune etc. That void can only be filled with your calling and purpose for god in this 1 precious life that we possess.)
------
Lord, i just pray that these words and testimony you spoke into being through the yearning in my heart wont fall void to my own ears and to those that hear it. I pray you hold me to this prayer also that one day i can look back and realise your works of wonders in my life and give you praise even more so. I pray and know that even though i dont know when the season is when i meet my soul-partner but i pray you give me the courage and the perseverance to trust in you no matter how dire my circumstances. I just pray you use me for your will again, day after day, I would never be the man i am today even if as much as one of my circumstances of the past did not happen so i give you glory for them lord. Thank you that I know now that i am in the smack bang centre of your will for my life. Let this testimony glorify your name alone and shape me into the man you want me to become, cause i know you're not done with me yet ;) I love you as always, probably never as much as you love me but nonetheless, thank you lord! Lover of ever essence of my being. In Jesus name i pray, Amen.
--------
There was a time once when i met a great woman of god, I liked her a lot and i thought it could happen between us, that i could pursue her as my future wife. I felt that everything she was was perfect, i really loved all that she was. I remember so many times in those 1.5 years, i asked god, "why cant i lord? shes different from any other girl ive had a crush on. Both of us are saved, we like the same things etc." But God's answer was still always "no, I've got someone better in stall for you, Jeff. This is not your season"
Nonetheless the time came when i had to say goodbye when she left us to go home and i guess when she left, it really crushed me to see her go, and it really took all of who i was to deny myself of my selfish desires and pursue god's desires over my life.
But god is not someone who takes away and leaves us in the dirt, He might have taken her away (to a higher calling) but he also brought me to the next chapter in my life, one ive been searching and seeking for for so very long.. God brought forth new opportunities to serve him in leadership and sow into amazing young men of god, in work and university but most importantly, in salvation of my friends and family.
For that, no soul mate that god offered me could ever be of same value of what he gave me instead, the joy of the lord in my heart, the joy of the lord in even being able to serve his kingdom in things that would otherwise be unfathomable if done in my own strength. That is how i am the man i am today ;)
(I believe that whats more important than your future wife is your own godly identity and ordained purpose, what we're called to do for god's kingdom, In every guy is an insatiable hunger to be selflessly used by god for greatness, to feel significant in their own and god's eyes. I dare say, every being has a god shaped void in their hearts where they have tried and failed to satisfy that hole with carnal urges, drugs and suppressants, fame and fortune etc. That void can only be filled with your calling and purpose for god in this 1 precious life that we possess.)
------
Lord, i just pray that these words and testimony you spoke into being through the yearning in my heart wont fall void to my own ears and to those that hear it. I pray you hold me to this prayer also that one day i can look back and realise your works of wonders in my life and give you praise even more so. I pray and know that even though i dont know when the season is when i meet my soul-partner but i pray you give me the courage and the perseverance to trust in you no matter how dire my circumstances. I just pray you use me for your will again, day after day, I would never be the man i am today even if as much as one of my circumstances of the past did not happen so i give you glory for them lord. Thank you that I know now that i am in the smack bang centre of your will for my life. Let this testimony glorify your name alone and shape me into the man you want me to become, cause i know you're not done with me yet ;) I love you as always, probably never as much as you love me but nonetheless, thank you lord! Lover of ever essence of my being. In Jesus name i pray, Amen.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Where are you heading?
What do you want to see come out of your leadership next year?
Where is the passion?
What is becoming of your quiet times?
What do you need to and can do now to prepare for what god's calling you to?
Where is your heart at?
How is your personal relationship and spiritual walk going?
These are some of the questions ive been asked and asking myself in this season. After going through the storm, i guess im not too sure what i should be doing atm, what i should be aiming for, most of all what aspect i need to focus on for god's calling. Ive felt as if life atm is just going through the motions. Mundane, Routine, Bored, Jobless, you name it.. i guess staying up till 3 o clock at night doesn't exactly help me to seek him.
i guess what has been on my mind is going into leadership for next year. When Val asked me "What do you want to see come out of your leadership next year?" i was kinda lost for words. I wasnt exactly sure i needed that degree of preparation to lead, to be honest i was going to jump straight in.
But i guess one thing that really concerned me and worried me is how we're going to help the boys be all that your've called them to be? and i guess i started thinking really secular thoughts like "What if they dont like me or cant work with me?, what if i cant connect with them? I guess what i was really seeing was images of failure from what the enemy was sowing, and just really questioning whether I was really called for leadership.
But i know those thoughts are wrong. I guess it took me till now (with the help of my bro's words of encouragement) to realise that we can't lead if we're trying to be something we aren't. The only person that your boys will follow and respect is simply put.
You
IF we try and put up a facade to hide the real us, How can you expect your boys to be real to us when we arent to them?
i guess if theres a code i wanna lead by its this:
-Always keep it real
-Lead by example, not experience.
-Speak with your lifestyle and actions.
... and i guess thats all for now :P (im tired maybe ill edit this post later.. i tend to rant a bit)
What do you want to see come out of your leadership next year?
Where is the passion?
What is becoming of your quiet times?
What do you need to and can do now to prepare for what god's calling you to?
Where is your heart at?
How is your personal relationship and spiritual walk going?
These are some of the questions ive been asked and asking myself in this season. After going through the storm, i guess im not too sure what i should be doing atm, what i should be aiming for, most of all what aspect i need to focus on for god's calling. Ive felt as if life atm is just going through the motions. Mundane, Routine, Bored, Jobless, you name it.. i guess staying up till 3 o clock at night doesn't exactly help me to seek him.
i guess what has been on my mind is going into leadership for next year. When Val asked me "What do you want to see come out of your leadership next year?" i was kinda lost for words. I wasnt exactly sure i needed that degree of preparation to lead, to be honest i was going to jump straight in.
But i guess one thing that really concerned me and worried me is how we're going to help the boys be all that your've called them to be? and i guess i started thinking really secular thoughts like "What if they dont like me or cant work with me?, what if i cant connect with them? I guess what i was really seeing was images of failure from what the enemy was sowing, and just really questioning whether I was really called for leadership.
But i know those thoughts are wrong. I guess it took me till now (with the help of my bro's words of encouragement) to realise that we can't lead if we're trying to be something we aren't. The only person that your boys will follow and respect is simply put.
You
IF we try and put up a facade to hide the real us, How can you expect your boys to be real to us when we arent to them?
i guess if theres a code i wanna lead by its this:
-Always keep it real
-Lead by example, not experience.
-Speak with your lifestyle and actions.
... and i guess thats all for now :P (im tired maybe ill edit this post later.. i tend to rant a bit)
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