Goodbye past, hello present

Today marked the end of my self-will, the day i can finally say goodbye for good... The grand finale. But also the start of a new chapter in my life..

A few days ago, my brother and i were getting real with each other in the car and funnily enough a quote by Robert Frost came up in our convo.


[Two roads diverged...]
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

Over the last few months one issue in my life has swamped me more than ever... That is that of a broken relationship or rather a relationship that never really began if you would. Perhaps it was just me in becoming obsessed with trying to make the relationship work thats led to my downfall but regardless, one thing is for sure (something that was spoken last night).. "Peace begins on your part".

That is peace in your circumstances, peace from hardships, peace in friendships or relationships. I guess my problem lied in that i didnt make the decision to make a decision to accept the reality and move on. That just cause a friendship you were pursuing for didnt work out, doesn't mean its the end of the world.

Thats why tonight was so special to me.

Tonight marked the night which i would ever see Gea, in all her beauty and splendor that god made her into, for his glory. And all i can say is that im glad, i wouldnt have had it any other way.. no melodramatic "No! i love you, dont leave me" sorta scene, just a simple silent recognition, "Thank you for what little impact you had on my life. I'm finally at peace."

I guess this in a way is the fork in my road, This is where i make the decision to walk down the road less traveled without looking back, without regret weighing down on my heart. Tonight i said the sinner's prayer in my heart, just as an act of rededication from chasing the wrong things rather than god's will in such a time as this. I just pray that this is where i can get back on track with where god wants me.

This the end of another sad but necessary chapter in my life...

...but its also the start a new beautiful fruitful chapter

Today was also the day i confirmed my wildlife leadership (though hesitant at first), I paid for wildlife summercamp and am currently sitting on a little over $300 in my bank account, which half is still needed to pay for mobile costs and the other half, for the wildlife tent and ph accomodation. This really doesnt look good on my part. But i believe god'll provide in my greatest times of need.

I realised from this point onwards, I cant turn back to my old lifestyle. That from here on in, the next generation will look to us as leaders for guidance, for wise decisions, for answers.. and to be honest im not ready for it. I'm only willing. I just pray that i can set myself up to be in the place where god can most use me without me struggling, and i guess that place is where im abandoned of my will, and open to do what he calls. Let this day the 20/12/2009 be the day where i begin this new chapter of my life.