Tonight was something different. Who could've known that you could have a god encounter in the middle of your dining room with no-one else around, somewhat writhling in pain with a pulled calf from basketball a few hours before, with no worship music playing. Ever since bball finished, i kinda felt as if there was a heavy feeling on my heart, kinda started off with thinking about the leaders that make up my church, Ben, Shaun, Bobby etc. Kinda thinking about how each of their personalities was reflected in the game of ball we just had.
Ben's massive, post up aggressive, get the points and rebound with attitude reflects his plain simple but passionate textbook leadership. Shaun's impulsive drives reflects his ability to make decisions or take risks immediately while counting the cost. Bobby.. well his balling is competitive.. LOL cant really say much about his style.. but what i did notice was that everyone that played played with confidence in their own abilites and went hard for it. When i look at how i play, i hesistate, im not confident about what I'm meant to be doing even if i know i should be doing it.
Hmm lately ive been wondering whats been wrong with my self confidence, i guess thats what bball showed me, you know where your strength lies, you know what position you play and what roles you're meant to fulfill, yet your performance is lacking, or your stamina isnt up to scratch, you hesitate to make a decision and in one way or another it costs you.
i guess thats what the burdening feeling on my heart was... just sitting around alone in the dining room thinking about it.. whats wrong with me?
Perhaps ive missed the point all together with this, Perhaps the problem isnt even in my self confidence but just how much i compare myself to someone else, my roles/purpose to someone elses, i guess its times like these where gods word can just leave u breathless.
We can read and know the word off by heart, but sometimes you wont understand the weight behind it until you live it out. We think "Was it that simple??!" and to be honest it is :P. If God marked out and planned out a unique running route for each of us individually from the very beginning, how can we compare between the race that i run against the route that he/she runs?
If we thinking logically, the way we measure race fairness is by distance ran and time taken, so therefore this would be a fair test. But really theres more than meets the eye.
Just cause a running route is the same distance doesnt mean its the same effort involved. Theres much more factors involved (gravity, inclines, wind resistance, psychology, chronology, oxygen content etc.)
Just cause the runner beside you seems like they're farther ahead, or that theyre better off than you are, doesnt mean that you should just give up and try and run the route they ran. You are called for such a time as this, whether you have a mountain climb or a valley to breeze through.
Your race is marked out for YOU alone. Therefore run your race, no matter how further, higher, longer it is than the runner's next to you.
Lord god, i just wanted to pray about this, I know that im found in you lord, that everything i do has your purpose, and significance written all other it. I believe that though i fail that im not a failure, I pray you breathe your hope into me in those times of hopelessness and doubt, when im on the brink of giving up after my failures, instead i pray you enable me to redouble my efforts and work even harder all for your glory lord. Im right smack bang centre in the middle of your will for my life no matter how grim it may look, i still believe that you are greater still and that you do good for those who love you. Though i face a mountain that i know will tire me out and burn me out. I just hold fast to you knowing that you deliver me from anything. May this season only bring me closer to you, make our relationship only more personal and intimate to the point that when i hear your voice that ill know without hesitation that its you calling, lord. I want to give you control of everything in my life. every inch of me, every desire, every dream, every gift.. i want it to belong to you. i dont want to take things ive already given to you back. I pray that with all my heart lord. Let your name be glorified through this life of mine. Im in too deep to take it all back and walk away. I dont want to live lukewarm, half/half, just cruising through life. Lord from this day onwards, i want my life to burn out bright for you. You've done too much for me already, the best of me is the least i can give lord. I pray you hold me to this prayer. Its all or nothing for you lord. I choose all. all of u and nothing of me. let that be my prayer to you tonight lord. In jesus' most precious name, Amen.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment